Jay The FUOYE Fresher Season 1 Episode 1

Jay the FUOYE Fresher – Season 1, Episode 1: The Beginning
(This story gives a little description of how FUOYE looks and what life is like for a fresher. I hope this story answers some questions you have about FUOYE.)

I stood under a shade beside the school’s main auditorium. Damn… I was tired of staying under the sun for the medical test stuff. The line didn’t seem to be moving at all.

It was like the whole of Nigeria was in a queue, being attended to by snails! Then she passed…

The meat pie I was eating got stuck in my throat, and I began to cough like I had swallowed all the rocks in Africa. It took a while before I came around.

All I knew was that everyone was telling me, “Sorry,” as they made me sit on one of the staircases leading to the auditorium and gave me water to drink. “They are nice in this school o!” I thought to myself.

After I calmed down and everyone left, I remembered the lady I saw! My God! That lady was so…

Umm, sorry. Let me introduce myself. I’m Jason, popularly known as Jay. I’m light-skinned, tall… umm, what else? I’m a fresher!!! Guess my school?

Umm… it’s one school like that sha… It’s located in a village, built in the middle of a bush. But school na school.

At least I’m no longer at home. Or wait—do you know the school? Well, this is my story as a FUOYE fresher. Sit back and enjoy!

I remember the very first day I entered the school.

Then I started hearing, “Phase 1,” “Phase 2”… I was confused like, “What are all these ones saying?” Where did I stop? Oh yeah! The lady was so…

“Boss,” a voice greeted from behind me.

“How far?” I replied without looking…

Then I turned around, only to see an old friend—just that he now had full-grown beards, like a man with two kids!

“Shege! Na you be dis?” I said in Pidgin.

“Na my spirit o,” he replied, smiling.

“Aswear, I think say you don die!”

“You dey craze!” he said, laughing really hard.

Men, the guy don fresh oo! If you see the cloth he was wearing ehn… I’m sure he’s a yahoo boy.

“So Jay, how tins na?”

“Cool o,” I replied, taking a good look at him before asking:

“Wait… You come for registration too?”

“Regi-wet? I dey 300 level, baba,” he said, smiling a little.

My intestine froze. My heart jumped. Chai! See wetin Nigeria don do me o!

I’m older than this guy o! 300 level?!

“Agba!” I decided to change the topic as a wave of overwhelming emotion swept over me.

“I’ve been here since around 10, but the line no move,” I said, pointing towards the medical centre.

“10?!” he screamed, laughing.

I stood there watching him, and I swear—I was angry.

Is he making jest of me? Wicked thoughts started flowing through my head. Trust me, wicked thoughts!

“Boss, if you want to do your medicals, try to get here by 7 at least.”

“Ehn ehn,” I replied, feeling stupid.

“Wetin be time?”

“11,” I said, without looking at my tattered wristwatch.

“You fit go try X-ray sha,” he said, pointing toward another place.

We exchanged numbers and talked for a while. Then he turned and asked,
“Where you dey stay sef?”

“Baba, I dey my uncle’s place for Ado o,” I replied.

“You fit come stay for my side at Irona na.”

“Ehn? No shit,” I said, though I felt like doing something as girlish as jumping on his neck.

“I go holla you.”

“Jay Jay ma nigga!” he hailed and left.

Men, I felt like a sledgehammer had just hit my skull. Segun was in 300 level?! That one wey no know book… umm.

I walked towards the X-ray center after successfully stopping the tears from dropping down my cheeks.

The place was just opposite the medical center, with a smaller crowd of freshers carrying big brown envelopes. As soon as I got there, I was told they had just closed for the day!

“Ah! Na school be dis?” I asked myself.

Boom! I saw that babe again! She was standing close to that Wema Bank side sha. Omo, this girl is so beautiful—light-skinned, tall, with long legs… If you see the front view ehn, I’m sure the backside will kill me, but I can’t see it ‘cause she’s resting on something.

I didn’t know when I started singing:

“When I see you I know say nkan be, nkan be l’abe orun, nkan be…”

“Guy, you no well,” I turned around to see a guy beside me laughing.

“Are you okay?” I replied, irritated.

“Guy, you better make move. Her name is Ewa.”

He had this funny, knowing smile on his pimples-dominated face.

“Say God!”

“Aswear!” He put a finger on his tongue, then touched the ground.

As a sharp guy, I immediately made my move. I walked towards her, but she was so busy with her phone she didn’t see me coming.

“Hi Ewa,” I said calmly, making sure my shirt had been well adjusted.
She raised her head gently…

Watch out for Episode 2 of Jay the FUOYE Fresher!
© Aruwaji Philip